her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
