Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
