I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she told me i tasted like america
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
