Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
