If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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