id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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