I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
