You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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