I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
