I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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