i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
