ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
