the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
