We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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