Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
