I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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