Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
