Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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