is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
