I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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