3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
