Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
