What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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