Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
