You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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