DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
birth control should be required to get into college
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
