Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is it because I queefed?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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