bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
