I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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