i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
