Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
