If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
