I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
