It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
