All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need a burrito and a hug.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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