My hand turned me down
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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