he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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