it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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