i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
