I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
