Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
