i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
