A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
