Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Everything about him screamed your future.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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