she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
