Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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