the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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