a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
