There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
