What a fucking waste of an outfit
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
